So, everybody loves a good quickie.
She walks in all sweaty from a workout in spandex and you’ve just gotta jump her bones right there and then. Or, if that’s not for you, she strolls in wearing heels that are almost too tall to wear in public in a tight red dress and you can’t handle a whole night around her without pushing that dress up and getting it on right then and there before you head out. Whatever the situation, sometimes you’ve just gotta do it, and you can’t wait to do it, and you skip out entirely on that little thing we call foreplay.
It’s undeniable: quickies are awesome. Sometimes, we girls totally love them, too. Okay, we love quickies a lot. There’s nothing like walking in the door just to be pushed up against the wall or doing it on the kitchen counter while whatever you’re cooking is starting to boil over. But if you’re looking to really spice up your sex life and your girl isn’t so quick to climax, science has you covered.
Men and women are not created equally. Surely you’ve figured this out by now. And when it comes to what we want from sex, the same is true. As psychosexual therapist Ruth Westheimer puts it, “It’s particularly important for women to have successful foreplay because it takes a woman a longer time to get up to the level of arousal needed to orgasm.” Unless you’re a sex god or she’s faking it or she’s lucky as hell, you’ve probably finished before her or given up on her finishing at all.
Where you can get an erection just thinking of sex, generally your girl needs more time for her clit to get set up for a good orgasm. Women also need emotional assurance – we need to feel like you really want us, but we also need to feel like you really care about us (one-night stands partially excluded).
With foreplay, though, it’s not just about her – you win, too.
According to an Australian study, the more variety, the longer you’re going to last. The ideal length of foreplay? A little under twenty minutes. The Journal of Sex Research also showed that most people—men and women—find their orgasms are more exciting if they’ve taken the time to build up to them.
The Key to Good Foreplay
One reason why a lot of couples skip foreplay is because it’s intimate, and that can be intimidating. Another reason is that communication on this stuff can be a little awkward. Hey, here’s a really quick tip: get over it. Girls love communication. And you should, too. It’s going to make your sex life that much better.
If you like your nipples being rubbed or your ears being licked or even something super kinky, say it. Kinks can be super sexy, and trying something new is exciting and great for bonding. (Personal note: I met a guy with a foot fetish. Con? I was a little freaked out at first. Pro? Best foot massages of my life. No regrets.)
Let her come first, during foreplay. Make it a priority. Encourage her to touch herself while you move onto other spots. Clitoral stimulation is so important and a must for many women to be able to orgasm at all. And if she has an orgasm before sex, you’ve upped your chances that she’ll have multiple orgasms once you get down and dirty.
Up your foreplay game. You and your partner are both going to be a hell of a lot more satisfied with your sex life when you do.