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To Beard or Not to Beard: is That Even a Question?

by Rich Emrett
To Beard or Not to Beard: is That Even a Question?

Wake the fuck up my man. Do you wanna look like a prat? Just look at how everyone cringes when the look back at their backcombing and MAKEUP in the 80’s – you wanna be like that in a few years? Looking back on life and at yourself like, jeeeez! What the hell made me do that? I had pubes dangling from my face and thought it was acceptable? I WALKED AROUND LIKE THAT IN PUBLIC!

Fuck me.

And that is just the problem; find a woman who will FUCK YOU, when you got a furry friend like that growing out your chin the size of a freakin’ birds nest. Get a grip. No lady is gonna wanna creampie all over that thing.

To Beard or Not to Beard (a)

Yes, that guy is from Harry – friggin – Potter. The beard is where it belongs, in a land of wizards and old men.

What the hell is happening today with these idiot yuppies walking around stroking their beards and acting like wise men all of a sudden? Did we miss something over here? Y’all look like you got whacked with Gandhi’s stick or suttin!

Think about it, just for a sec.

Who the fuck is going to take you seriously when To Beard or Not to Beard (b)you look like Cousin IT?
How are your work colleagues supposed to know you are talking to them when they cannot see your lips move?

What if you are in a rush and you yam down your favorite sandwich and head out only to find later in the afternoon that your bushnut had in fact acted like a baby bib and you have been carrying around the remnants of the meal with you for the entire freakin’ day.

Your boy says: “Dude, were you saving that bit for later or what.” Surprised you even have any homeboys left after the hair thing crossed the line after not shaving for three weeks.

On a real, beards are like suggesting that bringing the mullet back will be OK. IT IS NOT. It even makes Brad Pitt look like a tit . . .To Beard or Not to Beard (3)

One minute he is the coolest guy on earth that every chic is wetting their knickers over and the next thing he goes to buy a coffee and WHAM! Passersby are chucking change at the poor man. He simply did this for a role in a movie, it wasn’t his goddamn choice!!!! At least we can cut my man a break.

The bottom line is, unless you wanna look like a homeless bum and lose your job and your wife then get out the razor and do yourself a favor:

Chop that dirty thing off your face, get a wash, comb your hair and get to fucking work.

The sooner, the better – then we can all move on and pretend your bullshit never happened.

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