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Three Seriously Unfortunate Things That Don’t Need to Happen During Sex

by Rich Emrett

There are plenty of stuff that get us wound up and in the mood to smash each other’s brains in. Stupid things like eating a banana, licking ice-cream from the corner of her mouth, picking a pen up off of the ground, changing which leg she has crossed over the other. Certainly, these things spark some kind of male trigger and twinges begin to become present in the groin area.

Then there are the moves that really get us going and have us walking around with a semi on for the rest of the day. It’s those tiny deets that send a man crazy; women have got a knack for. They know all the right buttons to press if an when they are feelin’ naughty. The sly lick of the ear lobe as she whispers you a dirty thought, the cheeky twist of the nipple as she gives you those sexy blowjob eyes.




A day of frustration leaves you rushing her to the next quiet place to slam her down and give her all the things she has been practically begging for. But then there are the things that just ruin the whole damn thing after being tortured all day long!


Yep. Those sneaky little bastards just have to come along and destroy the whole damn mood if they feel the need. They waltz over just as you are about to go down on her and start rubbing themselves up against her legs, wafting its damn tail and ass in your face. You swiftly waft the damn thing off the bed out of the way and as quick as it is off the bed – the fucker jumps back on again. This fucker is not going to give in easy.


Sometimes there is just no time to think ahead and give the poor bastard a bowl of milk before you both start getting down and dirty. So what is the answer? DO NOT GET A CAT.


Just when you thought it couldn’t get any worse after the cat incident, she goes ahead and blows a fart directly into your face just as she is about to come. Do you keep on going? Mate that’s completely up to you – you are either a hardcore motherfucker or she has to go. We wouldn’t blame or judge you brother, either way.




It’s all good and well when she has her legs behind her head, and you are in and out like a yoyo. You are thinking to yourself:

“Jesus – Lord have mercy! This bitch might even squirt we doing it so damn dirty this time”

And then . . .



You notice the whole family next door is trying to sit down and have dinner like civilized beings but have just witnessed the entire scene.
Suddenly, we are in immediate floppy mode and our chick is flying out the door with nothing but the bed sheet. To never be seen again.

It is too late to shut the curtains. AND YOU HAVE TO LIVE THERE.

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