Okay, let’s cool it for a bit – not every guy is bad at sex, but let’s be honest for a bit and admit that not everyone’s great at it. Experience is the greatest teacher when it comes to sex, but there are some things that not even experience can teach you.
The honest truth is that most guys are bad at sex because their performance is all about enjoying mutual sexual satisfaction. Anyone can bring themselves to climax, but making your partner orgasm – that’s where it’s at.
Just like us men, women expect to orgasm during sex. No woman would willingly engage in any sexual activity without expecting sexual pleasure in return, but more often than not, men fail to live up to their partner’s expectations because of their lack of self-control.
The number one reason why guys are bad at sex is that they can’t control their sexual urges.
When you’re in the throes of pleasure, it’s a conflict between your mind and your basic instincts. Men are hardwired to seek pleasure the fastest and easiest way possible, without considering their partner’s sexual satisfaction.
If we’re discussing the bare carnal instincts of men, the woman’s sexual satisfaction isn’t a prerequisite to procreate; women do not need to have an orgasm to get pregnant, and that’s why our basic instincts have yet to include our partner’s sexual pleasure during sex.
Helping your partner orgasm is more of a social convention that you’d have to wrestle with when you’re having sex. You know that your partner expects you to perform well enough for her to reach an orgasm, but your basic instinct nudges you to think only about your pleasure.
Now, you may think that this is just some made-up science, but the reason for this behavior is deeply rooted in our DNA.
Let’s talk about statistics.
According to women, they only reach an orgasm 75% of the time when having sex, but only 30% of men say they suffer from premature ejaculation.
Premature ejaculation is different from having an orgasm before your partner does. It has more to do with having an orgasm before they are willing to have an orgasm, but most men want to have an orgasm as quickly as possible, so many do not fit in that category.
You may be asking – why is a woman’s orgasm important if they don’t need to have an orgasm to get pregnant?
Sexual health experts think that a woman’s orgasm is an evolutionary mechanism to make women want to have sex and to identify healthier mates.
As you may have guessed, sexual control is a characteristic of a man who has healthy testosterone levels. Contrary to popular belief, testosterone doesn’t make you lose control over your sexual urges; it gives you control over your sexual satisfaction, thus allowing you to delay pleasure so you can both enjoy mutual sexual satisfaction.
Having higher testosterone levels allow men to have healthier sperm cells that have a higher probability of getting women pregnant. Being an “alpha male” is also a characteristic of a man who has high testosterone levels, and the evolutionary trend across all species suggests that women are drawn to alpha males. On the other hand, men who are more likely to focus on their sexual pleasure are more likely to have lower testosterone levels, and thus less desirable, at least biologically speaking.
Now, going back to the survey, women say that they are less likely to have sex with a man who failed to meet their expectations during sex, but they would be willing to pursue a long-term relationship with men who consistently mind their sexual pleasure when having sex.
This may seem like a lot of information to process all at once, but in case you missed it, here’s a summary:
1. Not all women have an orgasm during sex, and it’s because most men focus on their own satisfaction.
2. Being unable to control your sexual urges is a sign of low testosterone levels.
3. Having high testosterone levels allow you to control your sexual performance
4. Women are drawn towards men who can give them an orgasm during sex.
5. Statistically, women are hardwired to be drawn towards men who have high testosterone levels.
If you’ve been wondering why you’re bad at sex, then this might point you in the right direction. Having low testosterone doesn’t always mean that you have low libido; in some cases, you lack the level of performance that would make you a desirable sexual partner.
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