No relationship is perfect. It takes a lot of energy to coexist (peacefully) with someone else. Life is messy enough when you’re alone. But add another person? That mess can pile up tenfold. Still, you love this person or you’re falling for them or you wish you weren’t falling out of love. You still have energy left to put into the relationship. If your relationship isn’t impossibly unhealthy and you want to save it, here are a few tips for how to pull each other back together.
Yes, this is a really basic piece of advice. But so many people don’t follow it or are afraid to. If you don’t know what’s wrong with your relationship or if you’re completely sure of it, you need to talk it out. When you do this, you’re going to be one step closer to figuring out if you can solve the issue or if it proves you’re just not compatible.
Take personal responsibility.
It takes two. And typically when you’re massively focused on what’s wrong with her, you’re totally avoiding what’s wrong with you. Sometimes it isn’t even what’s “wrong with you” but what works for your relationship versus what you’re comfortable with. If you’re not willing to take responsibility for your own actions, you can’t expect your partner to. And then you’re at a standstill.
Forgive each other.
If this is one of those situations where you’re filled with anger, casting blame, or filled with guilt, you absolutely need forgiveness to move on. If one of you can’t forgive, you’re just not going to make it, and that wedge between you is only going to grow bigger.
Relationships require a ton of selflessness. But if we’re being honest, they require selfishness too. You have needs and you have to take care of yourself before you can take care of anyone else. Be clear with your girl on what’s not working for you, what’s missing, or what’s overwhelming you. Ask for the same from her. Once again, communication is key.
It’s easy for two people or one person in the relationship to get totally sucked in. Sure, your identity is intertwined in some sense you’re in a relationship. At the same time, you have to maintain some sense of independence. Time alone can be really good for you. You need your own interests, hobbies, friends, and alone time to recharge. Don’t be afraid to ask for it.
On the other hand, a lot of couples end up taking each other for granted or way too busy with work or distanced from each other over issues and disagreements. When this is the case, it’s date time. Set aside time to really spend on each other. Do new things together, have a weekend away from everything, or just take an hour to cuddle and really touch each other with the passion and tenderness you both deserve.
Consider if you’d be happier with someone else.
If you’re desiring something your partner doesn’t have or absolutely know you’re not getting what you need from your partner and never will, why are you still there? Sometimes you’ve got to nip it in the bud. Other times, you’ve got to be thankful for the awesome chick you have and remember all the things you are fucking crazy about in her.