We all like to think we’re sexy, in-control, and swoon-worthy in the bedroom. The reality is, though, sexy, in-control, and swoon-worthy have vastly different definitions for absolutely every sexual partner you’re ever going to have. Sure, some things are pretty standard – woo! D in the V! – but others aren’t. Some people love a good ear licking or nipple sucking. Others, butt play. A good foot massage. Oral sex for hours. It’s all good, but you’re not going to know how to give your partner that earth-shaking big O or crazy sex she’ll brag to her friends about until you actually ask her what she wants.
Here are seven questions you’re going to want to ask (and the sooner the better):
1. What positions do you like?
Everyone’s got a sweet spot and the just right way to hit it.
2. Sex toys or nah?
Maybe they’re a little silly, maybe you’ll only use them once. Maybe you’ve got a whole arsenal underneath your bed. Regardless, they’re a great way to bring a little fun and spice into the bedroom.
3. What are your fantasies?
Don’t laugh at them, and don’t be shy. And then make them a reality.
4. What am I doing right and what am I doing wrong?
Maybe this is how we’d phrase the question in our head, but really, there’s no right or wrong. It’s more a question of, What turns you on and what turns you off? You want your partner to be able to give you really, really good sex. And you want to give her that, too.
There are a few ways to tackle this question. If you’re with someone shy, chances are she’s not going to straight-up tell you what she wants. The easiest option is to straight-up ask someone what they like and what they don’t like, but if that isn’t working, go for variety. She’ll eventually show you what she wants and doesn’t want. And, instead of saying, “That turns me off,” try telling her what turns you on instead. Eventually, she’ll take the hint when whatever she’s doing isn’t on the list.
If y’all are really communicative, try out all of your erogenous zones just to make sure you’re covering all your bases.
5. How often do you want it?
There’s nothing worse than a woman who feels sexually pent-up and ignored. Except, perhaps, having sex with someone who clearly doesn’t really want it. Figuring out how often your partner wants to have sex is extremely important. Unless you’re really lucky, chances are your per week or per day answers aren’t going to be the same. The key to a happy sex life? Compromise.
6. What are your boundaries?
If you’re really getting down and dirty, you’re going to want to figure out just how far you’re both willing to go. Some women are totally cool with and even turned on by being degraded. You’ve got rape fantasies, S&M, and fetishes. And then you have triggers. Everyone’s got something they’re uncomfortable with. And it’s much better to talk about that and clear the air before you make the mistake of hurting someone.
7. How can we make this better together?
No matter how hot you are, there’s always room for improvement.