Unless you’re one lucky, wildly sexy guy, chances are you’ve learned that sex in real life isn’t anything like it is in the movies. A guy goes down on a girl and she cums within two minutes – because, you know, the scene can’t last much longer – the movie must go on! And don’t even get me started on porn. The truth is, a lot of women can’t or just don’t have vaginal orgasms. Clitoral orgasms seem to be a bit more common, but even those are difficult because most positions don’t have you rubbing up against the clit enough to get her to orgasm. If you’re with a girl who straight-up can’t cum, here are __ tips for how to deal.
Don’t take it personally.
There’s nothing worse than disappointing your partner and on top of that, having him think it’s his fault. He asks you over and over what he’s doing wrong, even when the truth is he’s doing just fine. Instead of asking what you’re doing wrong, rephrase a little bit. Ask, “Is there anything in particular that helps you get off?” If there isn’t, you just have to trust what she’s telling you.
Encourage her to touch herself.
A lot of women can only get off when they’re in charge. Encourage her to masturbate in front of you and to touch herself during sex. Tell her it’s sexy – she’ll feel a lot more comfortable doing it if she thinks it’s pleasing you, too.
Use everything you’ve got.
Finger her, suck on her nipples (if she’s into that), or kiss, bite, lick, and suck all over. Whatever you know drives her crazy, do as much of it as possible, all the while trying to get her off down there.
Sometimes you’re working so damn hard that you don’t realize making her work for it is an awesome strategy. Tease the hell out of her. Lick around her clit, but not on her clit. Go really, totally obnoxiously slow. Drive her fucking crazy and then fuck her hard.
Up the foreplay.
Men don’t need much foreplay, women need a lot of foreplay. Science says so. Her chances of having an orgasm go way up when you take your time getting there. She’ll feel closer to you, too.
Tap into erogenous zones.
You’re focused on one part of her body, and that’s a mistake. Run your fingers through her scalp, lick the edges of her ears, even run your finger along the inside of her wrist. Physical touch, all over the body, also primes her body for orgasm.
Let the vibrator do it.
Sometimes the time she takes to cum gives you carpal tunnel. To avoid this and to figure out exactly what gets her off, add a vibrator into the mix. This is especially helpful if you want to help her cum during sex, which is hard for a lot of women who crave more clitoral stimulation.
Get used to it.
The truth is, her inability to cum may have nothing to do with you. It could be a personal emotional issue or it could be totally physical. If you think it has to do with you, have a talk about it. If she insists it’s just the way it is and that she enjoys sex in general, just get used to it.