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13 Weird-Ass Facts About Family Jewels

by Rich Emrett
13 Weird-Ass Facts About Family Jewels


They’re in between your legs, and they are near and dear to you. But how much do you really know about your testicles? We take so much for granted about our bodies, including our gonads. But it turns out, there are plenty of interesting facts about your testes you probably don’t know. There are also some basic facts you’d be better off knowing to take the best care you can of your beloved sperm makers. Here are 13 interesting facts about your family jewels you may or may not know just yet.

Healthy food

  1. In the Middle Ages, men who wanted a boy would have their left testicle removed by tying it off. Aristotle recommended this. This is because it was believed that the right testicle produced boys and the left testicle produced girls. Thank god for modern science.
  2. Surprisingly, your testicles are larger than gorilla testicles – but smaller than chimps’.
  3. Some guys really like getting kicked in the balls. It’s a fetish officially known as “ball busting” and it appeals to sado-masochists. Naturally, the Japanese have their own name for it, too: Tamakeri.
  4. Tamakeri isn’t the worst thing in the world. Prepare to be terrified. There’s a form of kung fu (holy fuck these people are hardcore) where men with “iron crotches” deadlift with straps tied around their flaccid penises. One Grandmaster claims this workout of sorts will lengthen your penis. Worth it? You decide. Please don’t try this at home.
  5. Your balls can grow up to twice their normal size during sex or when you’re wanting it – that’s why you get blue balls, from the insane pressure that’s built up. For your comfort, blow your load.
  6. One dinosaur fossil was called scrotum humanum because the guy who found it swore it had to be a giant’s testicles. Turns out it was part of a megalosaurus.
  7. Your nads produce up to 200 million sperm a day. Damn good hard workers down there.
  8. Avocados and orchids are both named after testicles.
  9. More than half of me have a right testicle that’s bigger and hangs higher. If this is you, turns out you’re totally normal!!!
  10. Got small balls? That could mean you’re low on testosterone. Get you some supplements!
  11. Your penis was once a clit. Don’t feel so manly now, eh? In the womb, before you’ve been sexually differentiated, you’ve got a lil clit down there. The raphe, that thin ridge or seam that runs down the bottom of your scrotum is actually remnants of when your vag lips fused. Yes, it’s true.
  12. A lot of newborns enter the world with erections. As in, right when they slide out of the womb. Being born’s got to be pretty damn exciting. Can you blame them?!
  13. Girlfriend gagging every time she swallows? Cut down on the red meat and dairy. It causes the worst-tasting semen.


In conclusion, you’ve got an orchid-like set of balls which are actually a former clit hanging between your legs, and they produce a shit ton of sperm every day. Be proud!

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