When you snag yourself a hot hunny, they expect gifts for any stupid occasion they can think of. Whether it’s Valentine’s Day, their birthday (alright, I’ll give her this one), or just a random Saturday, they want some kind of gift. And if you don’t get it, you’re looking at a trip to the couch or a smack in the face.
A stubborn man will stand his ground and enter into a coerced form of celibacy. A smart man will give in and buy a gift even if he doesn’t want to get some action later on.
If you’re the smart guy, here are 11 gift ideas that will keep you in business.
1. Money
You’re probably saying to yourself that you can’t buy money, and that couldn’t be farther from the truth. Your girlfriend sucks your wallet dry any chance she can get, so why not just give it to her straight up?
In fact, you’re saving yourself money here. If you bought her a gift, you’d end up having to spend money on something else. But because the money IS the gift, she’ll use the gift money to buy the extra nonsense instead of you. See? Not so stupid after all, huh?
2. Shoes
Girls love shoes more than life itself, and I’ll never understand why. You put them on your feet so your feet don’t get blisters from walking on pavement. Why you need 10 pairs at a minimum is beyond me. But it’ll avoid a smack, and they aren’t too much, so it’s a great idea.
3. Dress
Girls love dresses, too. And the best part about buying this is that there’s a 99% chance she’ll hate it, so you barely have to look for a good one. You can practically buy the first one you run into and pick a random size and buy it. Let her do the hard work when you inevitably come back to the store to return it and pick something else.
4. Cleaning Crew
Girls as messy as fuck. They have clothes all over the place, and their mirrors are permanently smudged with makeup. Gross.
Get her a cleaning crew to get her shit together, and if she smacks you, just spin her around and let her know how humans are supposed to live (after they’re done cleaning).
5. Dinner
Dinner is a brilliant gift, and it’s because you also get to eat at the same time. It’s really something you have to do anyway, so why not masquerade it as a gift? It’s almost like a consolation prize for having to go out somewhere: you eventually get some food at the end of it.
6. Ring
If you’re not a marriage kind of guy, just get her any kind of ring that has sparkly rocks on it. I recommend cubic zirconia. This shit looks kind of like diamonds but it’s 10% of the price or less. Score!
7. Watch
Watches are kind of cool. They tell time and stuff. They’re also pretty fashionable probably. Get her a watch.
8. Dog
Dogs are usually pretty bad ass, and you will love playing with this thing. And she’ll probably enjoy it, too. She will love it!
9. Lame Car Item
Girls love getting lame things for their cars, whether it’s a Hello Kitty decal or a fluffy, pink steering wheel cover. Just get something pink and fluffy and she’ll accept it.
10. Pictures of You and Her
Most men strongly dislike taking pictures and hanging them up around their dwelling. Nobody wants to look at themselves in their own home. If you wanted to do that, you’d go look in the mirror or go on Facebook and find pictures.
But girls eat this shit up. It’ll be so sentimental!
11. Cat
Cats are almost like dogs except smaller and make meowing noises. They’re also less work and require less babying to keep happy. If you’re the kind of person who let all of his pets die, it’s a good idea to get a cat.
