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10 Tips for Bouncing Back Like a Boss After a Shitty Breakup 

by Rich Emrett
10 Tips for Bouncing Back Like a Boss After a Shitty Breakup 


The typical guy, according to stereotypes, is sort of aloof and macho when it comes to relationships. He doesn’t say “I love you” as much as his girlfriend, and when it ends, he can easily go fuck someone else and get over it. But sometimes, even for the toughest guys, a breakup can fucking suck. Here are 10 tips for getting through even the worst of breakups.

  1. Block all means of communication.

If you know for sure without a doubt that it’s over, it’s time to block all contact. You might be able to work out the friends thing someday (doubtful) but for now, it’s best not to talk to her, see her, or stalk her via Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, etc. Basically every app has a way of blocking someone out of your life. Take advantage of that.

  1. Don’t get drunk alone.

Okay, do it once. Or twice. But the next couple of times, make sure you have friends with you. They’ll keep you from going insane and remind you that your life isn’t fucking over.

  1. Work out like you’ve never worked out before.

One of the best ways to let it all out is binge eating and binge drinking. The better way to do it is to work out like you’ve never worked out before. Run until you throw up. Lift until you’re an inch away from injury (don’t get injured). And stop thinking about her.

  1. Rebound via one night stands.One night stand

Because you don’t stop needing sex the moment the relationship ends, and it’s a nice reminder that there are other fish in the sea.

  1. Rebound via dating apps.

Once again, there are other fish in the sea. And a lot of them are totally hot and just waiting for you to ask them out for a drink (and dinner, if they’re lucky).

  1. Repeat after me: Fuck her.

Anger isn’t always the best way to deal with things, but sometimes you’ve just gotta let it out. Tell yourself how you’re going to be better off without her rather than how you could have done things differently or how things would be if you were still together. For once, the best advice is to focus on the bad things.

  1. Go away.Beach time

Literally. Take a weekend trip, go sit on the beach, camp with a bunch of friends, anything. You need a change of scenery where nothing’s going to remind you of a relationship that’s over and gone.

  1. Fill your time.

Volunteer. Work overtime. Take up a new hobby. Whatever you do, don’t sit around moping and listening to emo music you’d never admit to anyone you still listen to.

  1. Drown yourself in funny things.

Think youtube. Shitty comedies on Netflix. Adult Swim. You know what they say: laughter is the best medicine.

  1. Be a pussy.

You’re allowed to be a total fucking mess. You’re allowed to see a therapist. You’re allowed to feel fucking pathetically alone, exhausted, and worn out. Hell, take a day off from everything. Drown in your sorrows. But then, hit up every tip above. It’s going to get better. It always does.


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